Friday 24 June 2011

Life on the Inside

I'm confused as i'm not sure what sex i will be. I am a 46 day old embryo and three quarters of an inch long. Fourteen days later I have grown to an inch and a half.
It is the third month  of my exsistance and I am twice the size, that i was. I can move for the first time and I'm a good kicker. I am now longer an embryo I am a foetus.

"Whats that not more chocolate"

Mother has fed me lots of chocolate today and I am sick of it, as I have had nothing but chocolate for the last two weeks.

I can hear murmers, and it echos all around me. Shannon, Carley, Lisa, emma. No No you can't call, the sound is muffled.Chelsea for a girl. That was a different voice, I havn't heard that one before. It hurt me ears, Kick,kic, kick,kick.

"Derick Derick come quick," Jane shouted.
"What Dear"
"Come quick the babys kicked," she shouted again.
"Oh has it,"
He puts his hard on top of my head , the voice frightens me so I stop kicking....

A week later... " Lucy, Chelsea, Richard, Robert" Shouts Derick.
" Yes Robert, Robert Ashbee,Richard Ashbee, I think i prefer Richard. "What do you prefer Derick?"
"How about we toss, cause I don't know"
"No we won't," Jane replied angrily.

I can distinguish between the voices that I 've heard now. Mummy generally speaks softly and Daddy  speaks in a louder tone. His voice doesn't frighten me anymore. I am five months old and have more than trebbled in weight. Something strange has happened in the last few days. I have just found out that i'm not alone, but I cannot see as my eyes stay permanantly closed. I found out by accident a couple of days ago, when I was poked and prodded, and well, all I can say is that I'm not happy with the idea of sharing my environment. I thank God, that I am not sharing the same cord.
On and positive note, at least I won't have to eat all that chocolate.
I take a while to accept the situation. I am the center of the universe and only I matter, I don't know the concept of feelings. I am egocentric. I puch and kick the other foetus to let them know i am there.
My environment is enriched with acoustic stimulation. I hear sounds of my mother eatting, drinking, breathing. There are cardio vascular noices along with gastrointestinal activity. The most frequent sounds I hear are that of the wombs, pulsating main arterry along with mummy's calm voice.
All the food I eat is liquified, my food is mixed up in amnoitic fluid. I heard extremely loud voices the other night and it not only made me wierd, it made me excrete alot of urea. I must have excreted several times in the last two hours. The brown bubbly mixture made the other foetus sleep and sleep which was fantastic, as I feltmore comfortable, having more space to maneuvre. You may think I am a horrible foetus, but I'm not really. I was worried about my foetus friend when it didn't wake up for a long time after the consumption of that brown bubbly liquid.
I am a boy and my foetus friend is a girl. To explain to you why I am so certain about this knowledge. We have only 2 months left now before we leave our environment, our ears are very close too the surface and sounds are very clear. We hear alot of television and I like football like the deep voice does and my foetus girl friend enjoys listoning to neighbours. Off caurse i switch off and sleep whislt she listens and she sleeps while I listen to the football.
I am aware of the anxiety of my mummy as everyday is a day closer to our due date. Though i am not sure about me staying here for much longer as I feel that I have no room to move or breath.
I have heard many different voices "bethave" but this word I do not understand the meaning of. The voices have said bet its two boys or I bet its two girls. Some talked about pounds, ten pounds or twenty pounds and this frustrates me as I would like to know what they mean.
I am getting out if here. Head down engaged ...

Water breaks .... I feel wierd but I need to head for the light. How on earth am I going to get out. Push Push I hear them shout and breath. What a good idea that makes my birth alot easier. 28 minutes later I have arrived oh my god I am screaming with the shock ... come on baby sister where are you... 22 minutes later she has joined me.

 Welcome to the world little ones.

Thursday 23 June 2011

1997 this was written.

I suffer the day in silence
My thoughts are very few
I try to forget about me
and just think about you

My head is sometimes spinning
I'm like a prisioner in my own mind.
I must try to go forward
Before i go further down the slide.

I wake up with all good intentions
To do what needs to be done
When I am well its great and with such special insight.
I am a person who knows what can be buried deep within
Affecting the everyday living of someone who can also be bold.
  I grant your pardon for all the things i have done
Will this make me well again and be round with open mind.
The gates just seem to be closed as i reach deep inside.

I feel so tired now that I made it up early today.
I will do......... that same tomorrow.

Depression

You can't live in the past
You have got to move on
Think about yourself and be happy.
Remember that you can enjoy yourself.
Accept who you are is first and foremost.
Then once you have accepted yourself others will also accept.
Don't forget that you are a kind and happy fun loving person and if you are making an effort
and they don't respond it is not anything you have done.
It is them, it is there problem, not yours.
Be interested in others and they will in return be interested in you.
You can't live in the past what if there is not tomorrow.
Live for today and look forward to tomorrow.